Fiction with feeling.. My heart screamed.


Mike was sprawled out on the bench, a collapsed toilet paper box hid his head from the sun and those that passed by. I looked at him laying there his pants covered in vomit, frying like an egg on the sidewalk in the late morning sun. The empty vodka bottle he grasped with a death grip as his arm hung lifelessly over the side of the bench.

The stench that permeated the stagnant air was a mixture of vomit; body odor and shit made me want to gag. The only other time I recall my nose being so offended was when I made the mistake of taking a late morning walk down Fulton Street. Have you ever been to the fish market, after the fish guts, and waste have been rotting for several hours in the mid summer sun. I had to throw away my favorite shoes when I got home; there was no getting rid of that smell.

I wish I had a hose to spray mike down with and a bar of soap, I really wish I could have given him a place to stay that was equipped with a shower.

As I looked at him the Stoli bottle spoke to me, like a wine bottle with a message that had washed up on a beach. The message although unwritten told the same story. “SOS” I am lonely and alone, surrounded by the ocean, in Mike’s case it was an ocean of people that didn’t even see him.

My heart screamed, I wanted to help him somehow. I had spoken with him several times, he shared his story. His wife kicked him out a few years back; he couldn’t deal with his reality and had turned to crack cocaine. It provided a temporary relief and escape from the pressures of his job, his wife, his family and society that wanted him to fit their expectations.

I understood how he felt, I was going through a divorce hated my job and felt pressured to conform to the expectations of family and society. The 85 dollars left from my paycheck after the child support, taxes, and alimony were taken out of my check was not enough to pay rent on an apartment. The only reason I wasn’t sleeping on a bench next to Mike was I had a car. I also had a different attitude and I chose not to hit the bottle.

It was Wednesday one of the days I got to spend the evening with my children. I had left the shop I worked out of after learning there was no work for me that day. As a carpenter for a Union shop in NY work was sometimes spotty. I had been lucky for the greater part of twenty years working steady, times had changed.
No steady work meant even more arrears in my child support and less for me to live on. I was just a few dollars away from the bench next to Mike.

I reached in my pocket and took out the last of my cash a crumpled up five dollar bill and stuffed it in Mike’s empty hand. He fidgeted and dropped the bottle as he woke startled to have somebody touching him. The cardboard feel to the ground as he jumped up, he looked at me with bloodshot eyes and looked in his hand at the five. He smiled and said “thank you” before sitting up straight. I suggested he should get some breakfast and get moving before the morning police patrol arrived. Then I headed for the subway.
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An experiment and having some fun being creative as I prepare my contribution for this weeks Veterans writing group. A short story with a little punch, I have been working them over with my almost complete novel and thought they might enjoy something different.

What do you think? Certainly not what you expected is it? If nothing else I am becoming a better writer, thank you all for stopping by and for your much appreciated support. My next Novel may be a take off of this short story if it piques enough interest..lol

Namaste!

A tribute to a little Angel …


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Little Angel spread your wings
Although you were only here for a moment
You have made my heart sing
Love is what you brought and all you knew
Love is what I give back to you
Your time though short on this earth
Only moments from
The time of your birth
I love you forever for what my love is worth
Love is beyond a moment in time
I carry you in this heart of mine
The love you shared is a gift divine
I see you flying with your angel wings
A tear of sorrow and joy the vision brings
I love you is the song my shattered heart sings
Thank you for sharing your love
My little Angel up above

♥♥♥♥♥♥

Sometimes the smallest things are only there for the shortest moments, those moments are sometimes the greatest gifts and teachers. My life has been touched by a young soul that was in it only for a few moments yet those moments have affected me and my family forever.

If you only had ten minutes left of your life what would you do with them? If you only had ten more minutes to live I hope you have the gift of being held by someone you love and someone who loves you. If I had ten minutes right now although I sit alone my heart would be and is filled with the greatest of love. I have no words to truly express what that means, other than a tragic moment fills my heart with a reverence and love in this moment that I shall cherish and embrace as long as I am able. Joy is hard to find in my mind, yet joy and peace are found in my presence this moment. Fly little Angel fly I am watching you with a tear of joy in my eye!

Thank you all and may peace love and joy fill your moments as you are present in them.

Namaste.

Taking the time to smell the flowers!


 

I wanted to share a few thoughts. It is my first post of the New Year; In fact it is my first post in a few weeks. I was reminded recently of my past, I lived a fast hard life during my twenty’s and thirty’s. Work consumed my time and money was all that was on my mind. So much so that I missed out on smelling so many roses… Have you ever stopped to think about and feel something that really brought you great joy? I have observed as I talk to people and help them step into the life they dream of that it is easy to remember the not so pleasant things that happen in our lives. I also have noticed as I step into my dream life, and implement the things I have learned and teach I had the same problem.

Funny how other people’s story can remind us of our own story, the good the bad and the ugly. I read Stephen Kings memoir “On Writing” recently. I had been told it was the number one guide to becoming a better writer, to master the craft of writing this book is a must read. I agree it is a must read for any writer, as a writer you have to be a reader. Some of the characters in his story were very reminiscent of some of the characters in my youth.

One or two of his characters along with their situations, and experiences hit quite close to home for me. The truth is they would probably hit quite home for most of us. One of the stories he shared was about two girls and a boy that were in some of his classes while he was a teacher at a High School. They were not wealthy students; one of the girls wore the same skirt and shirt all year. By the time it was winter the skirt was faded, the shirt was stained and for the most part translucent. The kids all picked on those unfortunate students because they were basically stuck with what they had.

One of the motivating factors for my obsession with making money and having the means to buy my children the finest of everything materially was my own childhood memories. When I was in fifth grade I was given the nick name “K mart”. I had one pair of shoes to wear through the school year, plastic ones that were always a size or two larger than my feet at the start of the year so I could grow into them. One pair of jeans and a couple of homemade shirts completed my wardrobe. The shoes were what they used to call K Mart specials shiny patent leather knock offs. Most other kids I knew wore them on Sunday to church.

I got my first job at 13 so I could buy myself clothes that were more in style, and lose the nick name. I never wanted to hear the name” K mart” again especially if it was what I was being called. I was determined to make a million dollars and know my children would never be ridiculed for the clothes they wore. I would never again feel like I was poor!

Here it is 2015, I was speaking with a friend about a seminar we had recently attended. It was a Law of Attraction seminar and the speaker (A close friend) was talking about the visualization process. Find a memory of a time in your life when you had great joy and success. Feel that moment remember how you felt. Bask in that moment!

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It was that moment that I realized… How important it is to stop and smell the roses. I had the hardest time finding a moment that truly resonated with that feeling of joy. Not that I have not known or experienced joy, there have been many times in my life that I have. I was trying to think of a financial moment as it was again money on my mind. There was a time I got a check for twenty thousand dollars, I will remember that moment and the feeling I told myself. I suppose that is where I am going with this post.

I don’t remember the feeling, I don’t remember the joy, I don’t remember celebrating, I remember telling my former wife to deposit it. I remember going to work a fifteen hour day, coming home and checking on the balance in my checking account before I went to bed. Ten years later I can’t say how I felt about something that would have made “K mart” jump for joy, laugh, dance and sing.

I start this year with a great smile, and the intent to bask in each moment, find the joy and feel it savor it just like it was a rose. I have changed my life and path, choosing to do what I love. I am writing, painting and creating things with love and joy. I believe and know just like I did when I was 13 that I will make millions. This time doing what I love and savoring the moments, not neglecting the most beautiful part of life.

Do you live in the moment, do you smell the flowers? Can you recall the first time you felt love? The feeling you had when you had your first kiss? I had to dig very deep to remember those feelings. Isn’t that a shame?

I encourage you to stop and smell the roses, savor the moments in your life that bring you joy! Bask in those moments, and remember them when you start to think about the not, so pleasant things. That change of perspective will brighten up a cloudy day. The more you remember how beautiful that rose was to look at, the smell, and how it made you smile… The more beautiful your life will become!


Thank you for stopping by, thank you even more for being you!

Namaste