Love letters as a tool for self love?


Red-Glossy-Heart

The last few posts I have been sharing some tools that are designed for empowerment and creating a sense of self. The tool I want to share today is probably the tool that was most instrumental for me in regards to my personal transformation. The key to moving forward as you take a journey of self discovery is learning how to love yourself.

For me the most difficult part of my personal journey in life and self discovery was learning to love myself. I was taught when I was young that loving yourself was a narcissist thing. It was a perspective reinforced by many contributing factors to the point that I felt unworthy of love. My own father left when I was seven and I still have yet to hear from him. My mother married a man several years later that was abusive sending me a message that I was useless and unworthy, un loveable. Reinforcing those beliefs was the religious upbringing that started me off as a sinner and unworthy of going home to meet my maker in heaven.

That feeling of being un loveable especially by my own father, on earth and my father in heaven was one that had an effect on my life and my relationships. That effect was one of destruction even though I didn’t even realize it was the sword that sliced through every bond I made. Like Alexander the Great I could cut through the biggest strongest knot with that sword. It was the basis for my addictions and my “chip on the shoulder” as many would say over the years.

I learned about this tool in a most unusual way actually I found it in several places almost simultaneously while dealing with multiple issues all of them pointing to the love I didn’t have yet so desired. My first introduction to” love letters” was in a book by Harville Hendrix titled “Giving the Love that Heals” I saw it on my at the time marriage counselors bookshelf so I went and bought it. The second place I found it was shared with me as I filled out a questionnaire on an online matchmaking site… The test results came back and I got an e mail telling me I knew nothing about women! I spoke to my coach at the time who recommended that I read “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” by John Gray PhD

The tool of Love Letter Therapy is for the most part a forgiveness tool and a letting go tool. I found however it served me well as an empowerment tool! I not only used the technique to help with my personal and business relationships I used it for my relationship with myself. The technique can be a great way to heal especially if you use it in a Quantum way to visit the past and the present with the intent of sharing the love expressed and found when you write such a love letter to yourself or anyone else you may need to express those sentiments to. By going Quantum and visualizing the sharing of the letter there is no need to fear rejection or being hurt. For the most part every letter I wrote was thrown away after I finished except the first one to my former wife which I sent and then got slammed and screamed at for sending…” Love? What do you know about love?” Ooops! Even Dr. Gray says… Throw them away!

Dr.Gray’s “love letter” technique has five stages:

1. Anger. After a sentence or two explaining the nature and intent of the letter, the writer communicates his or her feelings of anger, resentment, blame etc. at the other person. “I don’t like it when you…..”

2. Hurt and Sadness. In the second section of the letter, the writer describes any feelings of sadness, hurt or disappointment that are present. “I get sad when you….”

3. Fear. This next section lists fears and insecurities that the writer feels, as in “I get scared when you…..”

4. Guilt and Remorse. In this section the writer shares any feelings of responsibility, regret and remorse that are present. “I’m sorry that I…..” or “I regret….”

5. Love. The last section of the letter is the appropriate place for the writer to describe feelings of love, forgiveness and understanding. “I love and forgive you for…..”

I used this technique to work through my issues of sin and unworthiness and learned to forgive myself as well as love myself even if the religious institution I grew up in thought I was unworthy. I also used it to help with my issues of abandonment and abuse amongst many other things I have used it for relationship wise with other people. I hope you may find it useful in your life and on your path of self discovery… Love yourself you are awesome and divine.

Thank you for being you and sharing some of your time with me as you read this post. I would like to say I appreciate your presence and your smiles! Thank you for sharing your love and your smiles and making our world a better place for all we share it with. You are positive change in action and it is an honor to share with you this time and space!

Namaste 