My gift only I can give
To myself so I can live
I loved so very deep
Made a promise I can not keep
I made a promise to my soul
I lost a choice beyond my control
I co created a reality
Choices made not just by me
The hardest thing I had to do
Forgiving me for losing you
I played my part
In breaking our hearts
I have forgiven you
I now forgive me too
A new start forgiveness brings
A beautiful song my heart now sings
I now know the gift I give
Forgiving myself so I can live
My heart of gold will be held again
As I forgive and begin to mend
The next time I love so very deep
I will love myself equally
As I give myself the love I need
I have changed over the last seven years in such a beautiful way, as I shared some thoughts with a friend today I found the last of the deep issues that have held me in check. Most of our issues are self created, as they say we are our own worse enemy. I have been holding on to a piece of pain like a thorn in my lions paw in a way. I could pull it out yet fear that bit of pain as it exits the wound and the blood flows so to speak. The blood from such a wound is minimal yet the pain for a moment is excruciating. The pain I have endured by not pulling the thorn has been long and shallow yet constant. As I look at the years of change and my friend expressed the change in the last year has been so profound I asked why I still felt so troubled in one aspect and one part of my life.
I had a dream that I recalled last night, for me to recall a dream from my sleep is very rare and I shared the dream and thoughts as well as the feelings I observed trying not to judge them or embrace them. We talked about my thoughts and my friend suggested it was time to embrace my part of the drama I co created and forgive myself. I realized it wasn’t the loss of my partner so to speak that I was not forgiving myself for. It was my promise to myself that I would not ruin the partnership and would do all I could do to make it my last and an everlasting relationship. Even and perhaps especially a person that has chosen to grow and change in such a deep way, with such powerful energy, from such a powerful place can make a mistake that has a very deep result.
A few years back before I really chose to be me I could have just walked away and never looked back. Now I am knowing who I am and in doing so the work of recognizing the ego and learning from it has exposed the thorn for what it is and as I pulled it much to my surprise I shed not a tear nor do I feel the pain I thought I would feel. I suppose I have grown and changed in a profound way. I forgive myself so I can live as me the beautiful soul and human being I was born to be.
I can share this thought in my way and thank you all for being part of such change in my world. I have many friends that I would have not met had I not chosen to know me and who I am. I have shaken 100’s of thousands of hands in doing so absorbed the energy of those people and shared with them mine. That in its own right is a gift many may never experience nor appreciate the significance of. The greatest gifts of love I have been receiving in the last few years and many as of late shared within the realm of technology and blogging has been a great form of sharing that love. Both sides of the coin are shared by so many beautiful people sharing their highs and lows and in turn doing the same in sharing their thoughts and comments along with the compliments and the support through those highs and lows. Much love flows in many forms and ways I am grateful for the affirmations shared by many as the love we give is equal to the love we take.
Thank you all for sharing your love as I share mine in such a positive way the simplest smile says so much on a cloudy day. Thank you for allowing me to share some thoughts and perhaps a smile or two as I put this thorn in the garbage can and dump it so it won’t get stuck in another paw. Thank you for sharing your smiles and sharing your love being the change positive, helping to make our world a better place for all we share it with! 🙂