Only I….


My gift only I can give

To myself so I can live

I loved so very deep

Made a promise I can not keep

I made a promise to my soul

I lost a choice beyond my control

I co created a reality

Choices made not just by me

The hardest thing I had to do

Forgiving me for losing you

I played my part

In breaking our hearts

I have forgiven you

I now forgive me too

A new start forgiveness brings

A beautiful song my heart now sings

I now know the gift I give

Forgiving myself so I can live

My heart of gold will be held again

As I forgive and begin to mend

The next time I love so very deep

I will love myself equally

As I give myself the love I need

I have changed over the last seven years in such a beautiful way, as I shared some thoughts with a friend today I found the last of the deep issues that have held me in check. Most of our issues are self created, as they say we are our own worse enemy. I have been holding on to a piece of pain like a thorn in my lions paw in a way. I could pull it out yet fear that bit of pain as it exits the wound and the blood flows so to speak. The blood from such a wound is minimal yet the pain for a moment is excruciating. The pain I have endured by not pulling the thorn has been long and shallow yet constant. As I look at the years of change and my friend expressed the change in the last year has been so profound I asked why I still felt so troubled in one aspect and one part of my life.

I had a dream that I recalled last night, for me to recall a dream from my sleep is very rare and I shared the dream and thoughts as well as the feelings I observed trying not to judge them or embrace them. We talked about my thoughts and my friend suggested it was time to embrace my part of the drama I co created and forgive myself. I realized it wasn’t the loss of my partner so to speak that I was not forgiving myself for. It was my promise to myself that I would not ruin the partnership and would do all I could do to make it my last and an everlasting relationship. Even and perhaps especially a person that has chosen to grow and change in such a deep way, with such powerful energy, from such a powerful place can make a mistake that has a very deep result.

A few years back before I really chose to be me I could have just walked away and never looked back. Now I am knowing who I am and in doing so the work of recognizing the ego and learning from it has exposed the thorn for what it is and as I pulled it much to my surprise I shed not a tear nor do I feel the pain I thought I would feel. I suppose I have grown and changed in a profound way. I forgive myself so I can live as me the beautiful soul and human being I was born to be.

I can share this thought in my way and thank you all for being part of such change in my world. I have many friends that I would have not met had I not chosen to know me and who I am. I have shaken 100’s of thousands of hands in doing so absorbed the energy of those people and shared with them mine. That in its own right is a gift many may never experience nor appreciate the significance of. The greatest gifts of love I have been receiving in the last few years and many as of late shared within the realm of technology and blogging has been a great form of sharing that love. Both sides of the coin are shared by so many beautiful people sharing their highs and lows and in turn doing the same in sharing their thoughts and comments along with the compliments and the support through those highs and lows. Much love flows in many forms and ways I am grateful for the affirmations shared by many as the love we give is equal to the love we take.

Thank you all for sharing your love as I share mine in such a positive way the simplest smile says so much on a cloudy day. Thank you for allowing me to share some thoughts and perhaps a smile or two as I put this thorn in the garbage can and dump it so it won’t get stuck in another paw. Thank you for sharing your smiles and sharing your love being the change positive, helping to make our world a better place for all we share it with!πŸ™‚

15 thoughts on “Only I….

  1. This is a beautiful post and I know what you mean , I have changed in the last 5 years too in the same direction too. There are many people out there who are most wonderful and we didn’t know. May your day have many enjoyable moments in it!

    • Ute…. You are awesome, as are your kind words, thank you for sharing them and all the support and smiles you share with me and all of us in such a beautiful way. You make me smile:) Thank you for being you, it is an honor you choose to share with me I am grateful and appreciate your presence!πŸ™‚ Joe

  2. Hi Joe,

    This is such a powerful post. The following lines from your verse jumped out at me.

    “I co created a reality
    Choices made not just by me.”

    Indeed , whether we realise it or not, we are always creating that ‘clearing’ within ourselves which is ‘I” and at the same time, populating it with our own world. How this world occurs for us is based on our perceptual constraints ( our network of unexamined ideas, beliefs, biases, prejudices, social and cultural embeddedness, and taken-for-granted assumptions about the world, others, and ourselves) as also our functional constraints ( our conditioning of knee-jerk reactions).

    So yes, we do co-create our reality but | suppose the challenge is to take responsibility even when the choices are not made by us.

    Shakti

    • Thank you Shakti for your wonderful comment and compliment as well as the insight and wisdom you have expressed along with taking the time to do so. I am quite honored and grateful you chose to do so. Thank you!πŸ™‚ Joe

  3. Hello. I wanted to share this with you because I was so inspired by your sweet photo you posted of you little one. http://michellemarieantellg.wordpress.com/2014/03/06/like-a-tiny-baby/
    Shortly after I saw that photo a co-worker brought their new baby in and needed to work so I got to hold her and feed her and I love everything about that experience. I love how babies makes everyone so happy and how they sound. So you inspired me and I wanted you to know. I also love what you have written here. I too have done a lot of changing in the last 7 years isn’t that amazing 7 must be the magical number..!πŸ™‚ Have a blessed day!

  4. The past is a blessing … sometimes it may have been wrapped in a package of pining or helplessness, anger or grief or maybe panic, or inadequacy and other times it may have been wrapped in intrigue or amusement, acceptance or maybe sympathy, or maybe in comfort. It was hastily or carefully wrapped in an emotional package. I can open this as a gift in the present … otherwise it remains a memory of a memory of a memory.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s