Have you ever felt like it was a bad thing to chase your dreams? Or perhaps your dreams were stifling your reality? I am sharing a thought and a piece of my own reality as I ponder the dreams in my heart and my reality. I wonder at times how my dreams are in a way pushing me farther down a hole that at times feels like it is about to swallow me. To be quite honest as strong as I am and after all I have learned in life I am scared.
I have been devoting much time perusing my dreams of writing about thing I have been through and inspiring others to reach for the stars while in the dirt. The dirt is a place I have been most if not all of my life my face has been planted in it so many times I taste it even when eating the most delicious of cakes or the best cut of steak. I once dated a very beautiful Lady a debutante that loved my simple pure self and as she walked away explaining she dated Congressmen and Senators she did have a nice weekend with a King of Dirt yet couldn’t be with a king that had no castle.
I wanted to change that and had thought that by following my heart and reaching for the stars I could and would change that. I need no castle; in fact my dreams are to see the world, Asia, Africa, Australia, New Zeeland, Greenland, the North and South poles. Share meals and exchange stories of life with people of all walks of life and share smiles and love with those that have only a hand full of grain to eat as well as those with twelve course meals served on plates of silver. I have shared many meals with many people in many places my favorite memories are of one with the poorest yet most beautiful in a ghetto in Germany. I had longed to walk in Africa and share a smile with the little children that have so little perhaps only water to drink. I also longed to share a meal with the one percent and share the story of my meals with those I have shared with those beautiful friends I have shared meals with in ghettos in Europe and the ones I most know here in the U.S. My friends in Newark, N.J., the Bronx, Binghamton, Patterson, Philadelphia, and even in Salt Lake City Utah.
I had the dream of writing and sharing through talking or speaking perhaps both of helping those in the ghettos and other kings and queens of dirt to change our world their lives and my own through love and kindness. Inspiring the one percent to look within and help those who could benefit from just a little bit of what they could share by means of a few dollars and a smile a better quality of life and the end of their hunger. I had hoped and dreamed of being successful and being able to contribute in a meaningful way to ending hunger in our world filled with abundance and share my love of my fellow man and share smiles with some of those that so needed one. I had the dream of making it and inspiring those kings and queens of dirt to reach for the stars and hunger no more and live in a castle of stone rather than living on a sidewalk of stone or a bed of dirt achieve their dreams.
I had the gift of being published and although not for money I felt very good about my contribution to such a great cause. I feel very blessed and am very grateful for the opportunity and the gift as it is the first step and I have another debut in another book which selected three of my writing works I felt that hope of realization that I had been published and things were changing. My life is truly filled with amazing gifts and love has changed me in so many wonderful ways.
As I pulled into the parking lot to attend the reception in honor of the writers and contributors of the Women’s and Girls lead project I was pulled over by a local police officer and cited for an expired registration and inspection. As I stood there in my finest attire, waiting for the ticket and wondering if they were going to impound my car, I thought about what a friend, once very close to my heart had said. “The time you spend writing and chasing a dream would be better spent working a second job and making some money so you keep a roof over your head and gas in your car as well as food in your cupboard”. One of the proudest days of my life as I stood there I didn’t even have to think about my bare cupboards as I know they are empty. I did have to think about those haunting words.
I am not ready to give up on my dreams or myself, I may have to put them on hold for a while and find a way to put food on my shelf. They didn’t impound my car I did get published and with any luck I have inspired a few. I love writing and I love me as well as all of you. I am falling fast and pray the Universe catches me before I splat into the nothingness from where I came the dirt I have known as home. I have the choice of writing and following a dream or being responsible and finding a second job so I can survive. My obligations financially to my children are done yet the back obligations to me former wife are not forgiven nor done for another year even though she has no reason other than greed for holding that over my head.
I know not yet what I am going to do I just wanted to say If I don’t write for a while it is not for lack of desire it is for survival. I am not scared of my dreams I am scared of being homeless again even though I would survive and learn much the lessons of the past have taught me perhaps my dreams are foolish and it is better to just be the simple man and carpenter I am and work with my hands and have a roof over my head. I am grateful for the gifts my hands have given me, I had hoped and still do that the gifts in my heart are worth far more.
I thank you for allowing me to share a thought or two and I hope we can all share a smile and help make our world a better place for all we share it with. I am most grateful for the support and friendships I have received here on WordPress and in my life. I will write when I have time and look forward to reading all of your posts and words you share. I want to end this post with a song I find to be one of great inspiration and one I embrace on this beautiful day… thank you and I ask your wishes of the Universe may catch me and let me live my dreams! I ask the same for all of you! Much love, Joe!