The world and life are indeed very beautiful as are the rewards or gifts if you prefer are priceless. Knowledge is always priceless and a gift so is time spent with your mom, usually me excursions and time with my mom is a long hour or so then the negative energy sometimes overwhelms me and I have to go, you know, “Gotta Go no you don’t understand I gotta go”.
Today she and I had the day off so I asked if she wanted to go to the book store a favorite place of hers in my youth was a rare and used book store. She also had a book store she had wanted to visit since the days of her becoming a young Lady, a place where poetry readings where done and tea and coffee as well as intellectual conversation could be enjoyed.
When I arrived she was looking through old photographs and had taken out a pile of my pictures over the years and a few special ones I enjoyed as well as a couple I was shocked to see. One of a handsome 21 year old in a White Tux next to a Beautiful young Lady in a White gown the faces vaguely familiar and the young man no longer exists.
We made the trip to the book store and of course they had no William Blake books collection even random poems. Bummer off to the book store with tea coffee and poetry readings, bummer no William Blake ever one else one could desire to read yet not what I sought.
The gift of gifts, the humility and sincerity, as well as grace to share the truth and once and for all build a real loving relationship with my mother. My mom has racked and tortured herself for years as a mom can sometimes do over her mistakes or perceived mistakes in upbringing her children especially a rebellious oldest son. She does have right to acknowledge the mistakes and to be responsible and find the truth however ugly it may be for her.
The conversation started about my sisters feelings being hurt by our grandmother the last time she went with my mom to visit her. I wondered what my sweet 94 year old Grandma could have possibly said to hurt my sister. She asked if my sister had seen her father recently. My sister told her, “her dad died 8 years ago”. My Grandma was in a way hurt and said ‘no your father”. My sisters response was “You mean the sperm donor”.
My mom then shared her darkness, and in doing so found the man in the tux was no longer there. The man she raised was in fact not the same man he was yesterday. I shared in the most loving and kind way the path to her soul… The truth will set her free her true heart I explained could not hide from me nor herself. What good or what love is expressed when you share such nasty words and thoughts with me when you call my father a man you once loved and had 4 children with a sperm donor? Or the man I loved and thought of as my hero for my childhood, 7 or 8 I was when the two of you destroyed our world. One of your husbands abandoned us and one beat and abused me and you were there. It sometimes is very hard to find the silver lining the answer is in the truth and when you find the truth dark and light you find love.
My mom knew her son was and is a beautiful loving man and chose to share her faith in my transformation by acknowledging her part in my becoming one. Her contribution was almost as brutal and every bit a lesson in love true as well as unconditional love. My mom knows in my heart she is what she is loved forgiven and loved. I am humbled again by the power of the Divine and the love shared. My love of the divine is reflected back in the lessons learned and living a life of love and goodness. It is a gift to have your mother truly acknowledge your goodness, I didn’t get angry and her anger melted with the gentle truth.
Thank you for allowing me to share some thoughts and words perhaps even a smile with you. It is my hope we can all share a smile and some love making our world a better place for all we share it with. A relationship can begin anew even 27 years later with love and the truth. Mankind can fix a thousands of year old relationship by fining inner truth and sharing the love we find there. Share a smile share your love and be the change positive.