As a parent there are a few phone calls you dread to get and with me when my former wife calls I am usually quite hesitant to take the call. Let it go to voice mail and call after you know what the issue is. I answered a call a while ago thinking it was my son. My children live 2200 miles away and any time I can chat with them is precious.
The voice that responded to “What’s up Sprout” was not my sons. The voice was sad and trembling as it replied “It’s not Jake it’s me”. My heart stopped as I wondered what happened to one or both of my kids. Jake is in Jail she proceeded to tell me and then the reason that followed has brought many mixed feelings to my heart mind and soul.
He is accused of robbery with his “two best friends”. I know my son knows right from wrong and that he is responsible for his actions. As a dad my first thoughts and feelings are of sorrow then guilt. Then an overwhelming feeling that I love my son. I am moved to wonder what caused his desperation and what were the circumstances that lead to this unfortunate bad and dark choice.
I won’t hold myself accountable for his actions. I do wish and accept responsibility for not finding a way to get him to share his thoughts emotions and feelings with me more often. There had to be a way. I am somewhat in shock at the recent turns and events in my life in the last month or so. So much hurt and pain forcing me to purge my soul and find the inner strength and courage to persevere and learn from these hurts and pains my mistakes and make them strengths.
I hope by sharing my thoughts and feelings in such a way that myself expression may help myself and perhaps another. I reach to the depths of my being and look for the comfort lessons and knowledge that I may have power over my thoughts, emotions and feelings through conscious effort and with a loving embrace of consciousness. The conscious soul has a responsibility to its self and to its fellow souls. I melt the coldness and the heat of a cold angry heart with love and wisdom.
Thank you for allowing me to share some of my thoughts and perhaps a smile as I share that even the worst of times allow for growth and wisdom. I ask my maker to look after my son and the lady that chose to leave they both need comfort as much as I. I ask forgiveness and love for all that need it and we all do. I hope we can all share a smile and some love making our world a better place for all that share it with us. Even when we get that dreaded phone call. Thank you again.