Positive change and negative results…


Sometimes change even in a positive direction causes negative reactions and negative results. I have been trying to adjust as have the three women I share a home with. The hope was that by moving from a negative environment the young Ladies that moved with us would benefit from a clean structured and positive home. I had hoped things would transition smoothly yet knew that the change would be a challenge.

Several weeks before we made our move we had shared some thoughts and set some ground rules for our new life in our new home. The daughter of my future wife and the love of my life has grown up in such a way that she has had no real rules and no real enforcement of the few rules she has had. Her mother has been the mom, dad, and provider as well as the only parent for the most part working an extraordinary amount of hours to raise her three children and the less fortunate friends they bring home and invite to stay as they have their own family problems and don’t want to live in their environments.

It is a challenge for the young Lady to now be in an environment that has some structure and rules if you would call them such. In addition to that I am somewhat sarcastic at times rather than be brutally honest so as to spare some of my hardness from the young ladies. I am not so good at toning down my man side at times and my world is a harsh one for the most part. My sarcasm although from my perspective is far less harsh is taken as severe and harsh by the young ladies. It is still far less offensive than my bluntness.

One example that I will share is of dishes and cleanliness the home they just moved from was always cluttered and the counters were always littered as was the sink with dirty dishes. It was laid out before we moved that the ground rules were clean up after yourself and put your dirty dishes in the dish washer. There are to be no dirty dishes in the sink or on the counter at any time. My first day of work after moving I came home to spilled macaroni on the floor. The second day I came home to dirty counters and a dirty plate and fork in the sink.

My response was to wait for her mother and have her mother deal with asking her to clean up her mess. It was a mistake anyway I chose to deal with it. Her mother asked her nicely and her response was it just a f…ing dish what’s the big deal. After an hour of yelling and screaming she finally got the message that it wasn’t the dish that was the problem it was the lack of consideration and respect that was the problem.  During the conversation with her mother she broke my only rule for her, my only “rule” was that she respects her mother and her mother’s rules.

Since the day we moved my hopes have risen and dropped with the days and the behavior of this young lady. It is really becoming a challenge as of late as I enforce she resists and becomes more defiant and tries to drive a wedge between her mother and I exerting her temper and increasing disrespectful  words. I feel bad for her and mostly for her mother as my hope for a smooth transition and a responsible young lady in the making becomes a real challenge to my resolve and my relationship with the most Beautiful and loving Lady I have had the blessing to know and love.

I am working on getting us into family counseling and hope that an outside perspective may help us all. It is unfortunate that counseling only helps when one seeks it and I hope that the young lady will be open to a new perspective and enter into it with an open mind. I share these thoughts in hopes that my experience will help another or perhaps help me with some feed back from another that perhaps has had a similar experience. It helps to write and express my thoughts and feelings I hope in a positive way. I hope we can all share a smile and some love and help change our world in a positive way. Share your smile and love be the change positive and I wish you all my heart felt wish of great love in your lives!

 

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2 thoughts on “Positive change and negative results…

  1. My heart goes out to you as you are in a very challenging situation. I share my experience and pray that you will be supported from above to see the higher view and be encouraged and uplifted moment by moment by Divine Love itself. When I remarried, my 12 year old daughter screamed at my new husband “You are not my Father” and acted out in very negative ways. All so-called misbehavior is really just a call for love. All anyone needs or wants underneath it all is to be loved and to love in return. My husband never reacted to any of the yelling, or negative eruptions. He did not say a word to her; he was like teflon: nothing stuck, he just let the negativity just flow by him. He stayed calm, grounded, strong and just silently loved her. It was like a miracle drug, this unconditional love: silent, unmoving, like a tree so rooted that the torrent of screams, tears, yelling (so that the neighbors even asked if help was needed) was transformed in a very short time into respect, love and a bond that is in some ways stronger than with her biological Dad even. He did not react or respond in any way to her negative behavior. He completely ignored it and took time out of his extremely busy schedule to teach her to mountain climb, surf, camp, help her with her homework, go to her school events and sports, and just loved her. It was a visible example of unconditional love in action. It healed and made whole, and forged a bond. She is now a doctor and a beautiful, light-filled human being who was given the gift of an unconditionally loving Father. Priceless!

    • Thank you for your comment and your personal situation shared I admire your husband and his way as I try to do the same I know how difficult it is and had to have been for him. A life of unconditional love is very difficult at times and the strength to live in such a manner. Your thoughts shared have given me a great feeling and comfort in my heart at a time when such comfort is most welcome and needed. Thank you again and I look forward to your posts as they are very beautiful and filled with the light and love of our God and Lord.

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