Have you ever been told you don’t play fair and you guilt me? I was recently accused several times of such and I wondered how I could be responsible for such a thing. I am one who believes in accepting responsibility for my actions. Even though I knew the answer the situation and the pain in my heart made me look at me my core and find out why I would be accused of such a thing.
I choose this topic for several reasons the first being Responsibility and the second to accent the fact that guilt is owned by the beholder. First things first what is guilt and in this case a guilty conscience? I have definitely noticed a trend as far as guilt and guilty consciences go. It is never “My Fault” with most of the people I have had such instances with. Two people I loved passionately and with all of my core share the same thoughts when it comes to their feelings of guilt concerning me and the bitter end of our relationships. The toxic tones of fear and hate permeating our last conversations with the blame for their guilt placed on me.
Guilt is the state of being responsible for the commission of an offense. It is also a cognitive or an emotional experience that occurs when a person realizes or believes—accurately or not—that he or she has violated a moral standard, and bears significant responsibility for that violation. It is closely related to the concept of remorse. Wiki Quotes definition
Conscience: a : the sense or consciousness of the moral goodness or blameworthiness of one’s own conduct, intentions, or character together with a feeling of obligation to do right or be good .Merriam Webster dictionary definition.
n1.guilty conscience – remorse caused by feeling responsible for some offense. The Free dictionary by Farlex.
That taken care of, definitions in place, I at my core feel that the responsibility of that Guilt is not mine, therefore why do I bear the responsibility for their guilt? I have at times been my own worse enemy actually my only enemy and beat myself up for a number of years wondering why and how I could cause another so much grief and pain. The feelings as I lay the truth on the table become very toxic at the other side of those conversations.
Responsibility is the key to freedom from guilt! Take responsibility for your actions and make amends for that offense that fills your conscience.
I share with you that I have responsibility for the demise of my relationships with those very Beautiful souls. The first and the second I was me honest and on the table with my intentions and my heart I failed to listen and to perceive the intent or feelings behind the accepting words. Work has to be first in my world to provide and take care of you and our children. I understand and support you said with tears in her eye’s as she so needed me by her side and to comfort her as she worked and struggled to raise our children while I worked 80 or 90 hour weeks 50 weeks a year, never being there. My former wife deserved better from me than my greed and desire for my children and her to have the material things I lacked in my upbringing. The second Lady was hurt by me after I put my thoughts and feelings on the table and explained my thoughts and expressed my concerns that I didn’t want to risk her place to live or her child’s by moving together and perhaps having my legal issues jeopardize their well being.
She said she understood and agreed yet she really meant something different. If you do this you abandon me! I would have endured the guilt if something had happened to not hurt her or lose our gift as I thought and felt our gift was one of eternity. Perhaps she feels guilt because she abandoned me? I know not I only know that her guilt, is a result of her conscience, not mine. I hope she can find peace in her heart as all of us that at times feel guilt. Love yourself enough to make peace with your conscience Take responsibility for what you feel guilty for and take action to make it right.
My former wife I have forgiven for her part of our demise although she has yet to acknowledge any responsibility or to say sorry or ask forgiveness. My Beautiful Lady I forgive although she has not yet acknowledged to me has at least even though she may know it not at least acknowledged her part of our demise. I await her apology and her remorse yet like with my former wife I can only have pity and ask my maker to ease her anger and fill her soul with love. Even he can not do that until she opens her heart and mind accepts responsibility and asks for forgiveness.
Thank you for taking the time to share some of my thoughts and feelings. Please communicate your needs and don’t rely on the perception of the ones you love they don’t read minds and they don’t guilt you. You own your conscience and your guilt or no guilt is yours be responsible find your core and make it right so it consumes you not. Anger and bitterness are not the Golden Rule nor are they acts of love. Please share a smile and your love be responsible and be the change Positive! Thank you once again for allowing me to share my love twisted as it may seem at times.