The twisted hand of fate or Mother Nature correcting itself after many of life’s ups and downs It is only fitting that after many downs and seeing the gold at the end of the rainbow. I approach that pot of gold and look in amazement and awe. A dream a treasure chest of gold that is their in my reach.
At the very sight of it I was in awe and admiration like a child of ten or so just done reading treasure island seeing that chest dreaming of finding that gold. A fourteen year old getting his shot at the dirty girl, the sixteen year old in the “first car”. That feeling alone is very invigorating and energy for my soul.
My last seven or so years my soul has evolved and grown both in love and acceptance. I have been very fortunate and felt the love of many souls all of them beautiful and each more beautiful than the last. Life has certainly taken a turn in the last few weeks the wheel has turned fast the universe showering my soul with challenges and gifts. Everything has a price yet the only thing of value I own is my soul a heavy price to pay or is it?
I reach for the stars rather than the sky I reach for a thirteen rather than a nine or ten as most men may be happy with hell seven years ago I would have taken an eight even a seven if she would take away the feeling of rejection and hurt after many years of abuse and co dependency. My therapist said one day you will meet the lady you dream of and she will love you more than you have ever knew or imagined possible.
I dared to dream and learn when my friends used to laugh and say life isn’t lived in books I smiled and read another chapter. I had much to learn and still have very much to learn. I did however pick them up, read them and learn how to get the love I want and the love I want to give. How to communicate and share feelings. I am an emotional being and fire runs through my veins my heart burns a bright flame that all who have eyes can see. I am not a simple man yet am very simple…
I dreamed of a soul like mine in many ways one that actually understood my way. One that had a way I loved and understood more yet could feel my way and I hers. I thought several times over my life I had that. Yet fate would deal me a hand of ace king jack ten all hearts and the queen of diamonds or clubs an occasional spade. Most of the time it was an 8 or 9 a soul that would not share or a soul that could not absorb what was being shared.
In the last few weeks the stagnate negative energy was lifted and the positive energy flowed the universe rained and the gifts fell. I hold the cards I want the queen is on the table and this time I need the Jack, my old demon and old friend in a way. For the Jack is a card I have played many times it is fitting in a way that after all the clouds and the rainbows I am actually close enough to touch the gold.
The price… Walk into the unknown and live… The reward perhaps a dream come true a Queen that will find me worthy of sharing her soul with a Black Night like me. My soul is the one that cries out for a soul of strength one is before me, a gift from my maker to the universe. I choose to reach for her hand and if I fall short well I wasn’t yet ready for the gift and I will learn and grow more.
Love is the lesson I have learned from the very first breath I took. My dark side and light side make me who I am and beautiful am I for the ugly I have lived. I read recently a blog by a realist that never made a decision out of love or her heart, she met a man and he inspired her to live by her heart. I am inspired as well and choose my heart over complacency and stagnation. This is for that lady that smiles darkly at my bright heart… Thank you for a dream, and being a thirteen!… “Lets walk through the fire together”… ( Bush “The Sound Of Winter” I love that song already!) I saddle my steed as the last of the tower of my past crumbles and prepare to ride off into the sunset and meet destiny head on an looking it in the eye’s.
Thank you for allowing me to share a thought or two with you it is rare that I will share such yet I feel so alive! In the words of Jane’s Addiction “ What’s goin on” and a howl at the moon It feels good to be alive! I hope we all can make positive change in our world and grow in a positive way making our world a better place! Thank you for your time and may love be in your world!