I like music in my life in fact I think we all do. Some songs just seem to fit a particular situation or time in our lives. For the most part I listen to Alternative Rock or what they call newer music that they can not classify somewhere else. Or a nice Classical piece done acoustically with any instrument simple and with soul felt harmony. I am not really going to share my musical thoughts or taste with you just leading up to my last few days and the song of my last few weeks…
“ Something has got to go wrong because I am feeling to damn good” rings through my head. Not because I wish something bad to happen, it’s just a matter of time for everyone however for me the last five almost six years it’s part of the daily at most weekly grind “Just a rat in a cage”. I am not complaining just sharing actually I take the less than happy incidents in my life and make them positive” Beethoven’s Fifth”.
Think positive and positive things happen, I like many have heard those words almost all of our lives what we do with them is another. Years ago I learned that I had no alternate plan so to speak. The way I learned through life at home and in my impressionable years to deal with anger was limited and very old school silly.
Today for the first time in many years after much work on myself I had a co worker tell me I had anger issues… I pause and reflect in some fashion here although I already know the answer in my soul.
Sunday work for me as of late is very rare, today was one of those rare days as was yesterday that I had work. Saturday when I left work I was on the way to get the keys for my new apartment, Friday afternoon I had stopped and paid all the fees the rent and signed the lease. I worked a long hard day cutting out a few doorways and demolishing a couple of bathrooms then closing off the holes where the doors used to be. The project is in a clinic that is only open during the week allowing us to work a weekend miracle and make a few extra dollars.
Things were going too damn good… I was told on Friday when I paid the rent that all was good and at 4 on Saturday the apartment would be ready and I could pick up the keys. 3:30 Saturday after breaking concrete all day with a sledge hammer I get a call asking me to make sure I had an additional 400.00 with me for an additional security deposit. I ask what the @#$% and know that the shoe is falling right on my head.. I have just given all my money to this company and packed my stuff spent my rent money on the new place and at the eleventh hour they want to change the deal while they have my money.
Enter Sunday morning coffee break. My supervisor took us to breakfast as there was only four of us working. We went to a nice rather pricey café for breakfast, I ordered what I would have gotten if I was paying not the Steak platter just a simple special off the board. A muffin and coffee for 3.99 it took three times of explaining to the young lady at the cash register that I wanted the special not espresso .. When the food arrived at the table I was shocked to see a blueberry bagel, toasted and buttered rather than a blueberry muffin toasted and buttered. I told the waitress that the coffee would be sufficient and I no longer desired the muffin toasted or otherwise. She proceeded to tell me I had to take the muffin or the bagel. I informed her again politely that the coffee would suffice and she could not nor would not force me to take anything other than the coffee and after explaining my self for the fifth time that I had wanted the special however after all the drama that was taking place I no longer desired the special just coffee would suffice. She went and got her manager who I insisted on hearing the story for the fifth and sixth time embarrassing both my co workers and my boss and provoking me to just leave and enjoy my coffee and a cigarette in the parking lot. “ What’s goin on” I scream as I smile darkly in my bright heart!
I took the last few hours reflecting on my last few years and asked another of my co workers if he thought I had anger issues, his response no however you are having a very rough day and you are perhaps a little grumpy today. Understandably so yet not who I am becoming nor who I was in the past. Many hours and many years I have spent re learning and in fact just learning how I would and do handle such situations. With my head held high for the most part honest and sometimes blunt yet doing what is right for me with no harm or negative towards others. Not my usual calm sweet deep voice that rings compassion rather my sharp blunt honest voice that was clearly miss- understood four or five times even though I only speak English and wanted the special. My sharp voice in a non negative manner is far from anger issues…
The silver lining if the same gentleman knew me twenty years ago he would have been a statistic of an anger issue. The fact that today I am somewhat hurt that he thinks I had issues because he heard an angry voice that to most they including me would not want to be on the other side of. The tone I suppose was an issue yet I think anger was not so with that I am on my way to positive change perfection is far away and unattainable perhaps yet trying not is unacceptable. Thank you for listening to my thoughts and feelings I share them in hopes that even through negative positive is achieved and character formed. My honor and my soul matter more than material wealth or a muffin and even a place to live. My heart says forgive forget learn grow do the right thing and be positive. Thanks for your time I hope you live positive and help change our world in a positive way.
Do I seem like an angry guy?