The Elephant… Don’t you see it?


The Elephant in the room….
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Why is it that many of us human beings don’t acknowledge the obvious? We can look at the Elephant in the room and act like we don’t see it.
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There are many issues in our personal lives and in our communities, cities, states, nations, and our world that the old saying applies to. (war, homelessness, racism, hunger, poverty, to name a few)
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Do we just choose not to see it? Is it fear that stops us?
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I had several conversations with friends about the issues they were experiencing in their lives that reminded me of the old saying “The Elephant in the room” first it would be helpful to define the saying for those who may not have heard it or those that really have taken no time to understand what it means.
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Wikipedia says: “Elephant in the room” or “Elephant in the living room” is an English metaphorical idiom for an obvious truth that is either being ignored or going unaddressed. The idiomatic expression also applies to an obvious problem or risk no one wants to discuss.
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The Oxford English Dictionary gives the first recorded use of the phrase, as a simile, as The New York Times on June 20, 1959: “Financing schools has become a problem about equal to having an elephant in the living room. It’s so big you just can’t ignore it.”[3]
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The conversations were for the most part about the issues that they were dealing with; the largest cause of those issues was their own negative attitudes and perspectives. Most of them were running from the issue rather than going within and changing their perspectives. I was guilty recently of trying to shut out the rest of the world and focus… Not how it works!
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Much like what was happening with my friends and family I was ignoring the “Elephant in the room.” Life doesn’t work that way nor can I just be a master of my mind and heart in solitude. I did need to take some time and get focused, mastery would be something that I have to do in my everyday life, in my encounters with the energy and attitudes that others.
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The only one that can make things change in your life is you, what is your relationship with the Elephant in the room? Are you ignoring your pains and your negative attitude or those of your friends and loved ones pretending that they are not the problem?
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We owe it to ourselves, our friends, our families to deal with the elephant! Go deep, confront then release your fears and negativity, and let those feelings go free. They like the elephant they do better out in the open than caged up in the room!
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Thank you for being you, you are beautiful and quite awesome, I appreciate your taking the time to stop by and read my posts. It brings a great smile, speaking of which… Your smiles and the love you share are making our world a better place for all we share it with! Thank you for being the positive change our world so needs!

Namaste 

Thoughts of the mirror and water.. empowering you!


The most powerful empowerment tool is the one you see when you look in the mirror. I often hear the expression that “the relationships, the people you meet, the things you see in others, is a reflection of you. I wonder at times how true that is as that was shared with me more than once today. I almost shared it with a good friend yet chose to use that mirror with her in a different way.
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As I talked with my friend I recalled a scene in a movie I truly enjoy and have watched several times. In it there is a scene that says so much about the power of that mirror as an empowerment tool or as a tool of destruction. The lady in the film is feeling rather down and beating herself up after a night of drinking and wild sex or so the viewer is lead to believe. She smashes the tube of toothpaste and breaks the mirror as she tells herself she is ugly and that she hates herself. As the faucet drips the lady has tears falling down her face and she has a brief memory of an experiment conducted by a famous physicist.

The experiment is a rather powerful one conducted by Dr. Masaru Emoto where he labels water bottles with various emotional words and then takes pictures of the water molecules the next day. The affect of just labeling the water bottles on the molecules is profound. Here is a clip from the movie “What the Bleep do we know” where the experiment is briefly described and the memory the lady has in her moment of realization.

As the lady realizes the power of her thoughts and words she laughs and starts to draw hearts and symbols of love all over her body. She has a new perspective about what she sees in the mirror and how powerful and healing the words can be if she chooses to use those that are based on love and are chosen in a empowering and beautiful way. She realizes the power of self love as she realizes how much of our physical beings are composed of water.

My friend has spent thousands of dollars learning the tools of empowerment, in many modalities she has studied enough to have a Doctorate in self empowerment and the art of self love. She has spent many years studying spiritual paths and philosophy. She has a tool box of tools that would allow her to be a licensed therapist she even has two Degrees yet she still calls me and sheds her tears as she wrestles with self love and the labels she still holds on to.

As I chatted with her today I expressed my thoughts to her in the most beautiful way I knew how. I shared with her the truth about all of that education and knowledge.. It is absolutely useless if you don’t implement it and use it in your life! Take a few minutes and go find a mirror and tell me what you see! I feel that when you look in that mirror even if you see ugly in the initial moment when you look deep into your eyes you will laugh at the thought. There is no way you can actually look into your own eyes and feel anything less than loved by your inner self or your soul. It may take a few minutes maybe longer yet if you stand there and look into your eyes and soul long enough you will see the true beauty and love you have inside of you.

The best tool I can share is the Mirror! You may at first want to break it… then what do you see? Through the tears you see the one person on this planet that loves you just for being you! If not then I hope you will think about the clip I shared with you and the fact that the majority of your physical being is water. Take a pen and write the words love, beautiful, peace, and draw hearts and smiles all over your skin and write love over and over again until you feel it transform your cells and your heart tells you that yes you are love and you are loved.

When you do that every one you meet, every relationship you have, every reflection you see will be one of love and beauty. True change true love and true reflection start within look within your beautiful eyes and see the love of who you are love yourself and be beautiful. Use the tools nature has given us use your thoughts and water as a reflection of what you are a spiritual being in a physical body that is mostly water. When you see yourself reflected in that pool, or lake or, mirror, remember how powerful and beautiful love is! Love yourself and use the empowering tools you have to love and be you!

Thank you for being you, remember you can have all the knowledge in the world and a whole tool box of tools yet they are not doing you any good if you don’t use them! I would also encourage you to watch the movie “What the Bleep do we know” if you haven’t seen it. It may change the way you think about thinking! :)

Namste!

Love letters as a tool for self love?


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The last few posts I have been sharing some tools that are designed for empowerment and creating a sense of self. The tool I want to share today is probably the tool that was most instrumental for me in regards to my personal transformation. The key to moving forward as you take a journey of self discovery is learning how to love yourself.
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For me the most difficult part of my personal journey in life and self discovery was learning to love myself. I was taught when I was young that loving yourself was a narcissist thing. It was a perspective reinforced by many contributing factors to the point that I felt unworthy of love. My own father left when I was seven and I still have yet to hear from him. My mother married a man several years later that was abusive sending me a message that I was useless and unworthy, un loveable. Reinforcing those beliefs was the religious upbringing that started me off as a sinner and unworthy of going home to meet my maker in heaven.
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That feeling of being un loveable especially by my own father, on earth and my father in heaven was one that had an effect on my life and my relationships. That effect was one of destruction even though I didn’t even realize it was the sword that sliced through every bond I made. Like Alexander the Great I could cut through the biggest strongest knot with that sword. It was the basis for my addictions and my “chip on the shoulder” as many would say over the years.
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I learned about this tool in a most unusual way actually I found it in several places almost simultaneously while dealing with multiple issues all of them pointing to the love I didn’t have yet so desired. My first introduction to” love letters” was in a book by Harville Hendrix titled “Giving the Love that Heals” I saw it on my at the time marriage counselors bookshelf so I went and bought it. The second place I found it was shared with me as I filled out a questionnaire on an online matchmaking site… The test results came back and I got an e mail telling me I knew nothing about women! I spoke to my coach at the time who recommended that I read “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” by John Gray PhD

The tool of Love Letter Therapy is for the most part a forgiveness tool and a letting go tool. I found however it served me well as an empowerment tool! I not only used the technique to help with my personal and business relationships I used it for my relationship with myself. The technique can be a great way to heal especially if you use it in a Quantum way to visit the past and the present with the intent of sharing the love expressed and found when you write such a love letter to yourself or anyone else you may need to express those sentiments to. By going Quantum and visualizing the sharing of the letter there is no need to fear rejection or being hurt. For the most part every letter I wrote was thrown away after I finished except the first one to my former wife which I sent and then got slammed and screamed at for sending…” Love? What do you know about love?” Ooops! Even Dr. Gray says… Throw them away!

Dr.Gray’s “love letter” technique has five stages:

1. Anger. After a sentence or two explaining the nature and intent of the letter, the writer communicates his or her feelings of anger, resentment, blame etc. at the other person. “I don’t like it when you…..”
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2. Hurt and Sadness. In the second section of the letter, the writer describes any feelings of sadness, hurt or disappointment that are present. “I get sad when you….”
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3. Fear. This next section lists fears and insecurities that the writer feels, as in “I get scared when you…..”
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4. Guilt and Remorse. In this section the writer shares any feelings of responsibility, regret and remorse that are present. “I’m sorry that I…..” or “I regret….”
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5. Love. The last section of the letter is the appropriate place for the writer to describe feelings of love, forgiveness and understanding. “I love and forgive you for…..”
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I used this technique to work through my issues of sin and unworthiness and learned to forgive myself as well as love myself even if the religious institution I grew up in thought I was unworthy. I also used it to help with my issues of abandonment and abuse amongst many other things I have used it for relationship wise with other people. I hope you may find it useful in your life and on your path of self discovery… Love yourself you are awesome and divine.
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Thank you for being you and sharing some of your time with me as you read this post. I would like to say I appreciate your presence and your smiles! Thank you for sharing your love and your smiles and making our world a better place for all we share it with. You are positive change in action and it is an honor to share with you this time and space!

Namaste 

A tool from the “Old toolbox” Empowerment tools


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Image courtesy of : http://mantiquesmodern.com/item_details.php?id=499555 .

I thought I might share a tool from the old toolbox as it may help someone in a way that they need right now. The largest obstacle for most people I have been chatting with and my mentoring clients is one I also had issue with… Identity, “who am I” we at various points in time ask ourselves that question. The answer is not always what we want to hear. Why? Well we are conditioned and have built a definition based on that conditioning and how we are feeling about ourselves. In truth there are many factors that lead to our answers.
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I would like to share a tool that will help you as you search for the answer to that question. It is an empowerment tool that over many years has been used and developed to assist us in learning to claim our personal power and begin the process of learning who we are and build a new base to start from as we move forward in our personal journeys. I would say that it is one of the most effective beginner tools and is easy to use. Using it as I am suggesting twice a day for a month while adjusting it as necessary will change your life in a very positive way. It will also begin the reprogramming of your subconscious mind eliminating limiting beliefs and negative patterns of thinking about yourself to positive beliefs and patterns that empower you to move forward with confidence and self love.
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The tool is called “Declaration” and is a tool that you create and has two parts that you apply in a verbal and visual way that is so simple yet so powerful.

Part one
Step one; take a sheet of paper and fold it in half, on the right hand side at the top of the sheet write the word negative, on the left hand side write the word positive.
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Step two; on the right hand side of the page write down the first five negative things that people have said or that negative voice says about you in your head. Do not use I am statements remember this is the voice not your inner being, don’t accept the label!
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Step three; on the left hand side of the page write the five opposites to the negatives you wrote on the rights side of the page and with each opposite add a positive statement about your physical being. Use I am statements claim your power!
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EXAMPLE;
Positive …………………………………………….. Negative
I am Fearless and I have an awesome smile!……………………. You are too scared
I am Intelligent and I am healthy ………………………….. You are stupid
I am worthy and I am sexy …………………………….You don’t deserve that car
I am capable of doing anything I set my mind to………………You are not good enough
And I am strong
I am intuitive and a chunk of man candy ….you are a dreamer and make stuff up
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Part Two:
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Step one; tear the sheet in half set the negative side aside…
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Step two: Take the positive list and read it aloud three times, do this at least twice a day once in the morning and once in the evening. The more you read it the deeper and faster the process.
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The first time you read it read it in your normal voice out loud, then read it in a loud voice a “Galactic or Epic” voice raise your arms while you read it this way declare it to the Universe the third time your say it say it in a soft gentle and reverent voice. Remember it is important to read the list out loud at least three times in three different levels of voice.. Read it silently rather than Galactic if that makes you uncomfortable yet mouth the words. The Galactic is preferred for its movement of energy and the chemical reaction it produces in your body… Everything is energy and moving energy is momentum, the tool is a too, that establishes momentum and personal empowerment.
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Step three; take the negative side and… WAD IT UP AND STAMP ON IT, BURN IT, THROW IT AWAY, FLUSH IT, DOUBLE STAMP IT WITH BOTH FEET do whatever makes you happy as you let it be known that you are not that!
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I hope you may have found this post useful, perhaps you don’t need this kind of tool you may however know someone that is in a rough place with a loss of confidence feeling beat up and labeled. You can share a few minutes and help them create a Declaration tool that will help them empower themselves and begin changing their lives in a positive way!
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Thank you for sharing your time with me and taking the time to read this post. You are awesome and I am grateful for your presence. I woulds also like to say thank you for being the positive change our world so needs as you share your love and your smiles making our world a better place for all we share it with. 
Namaste!

What do you do when you find yourself? Play in the World Series…


You have found yourself.. Now what? You spent years discovering who you are as a spiritual being having a human experience what comes after that discovery. When you find that part of you that exists beyond thoughts and emotions, the divine self what do you do?
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I am quite intrigued with the many thoughts shared here on WordPress by many as well as much of what is shared in Ancient and modern texts. I have a number of friends from around the world that I consider very wise spiritual beings. Many of those say that our divine self is here to observe and our existence is simply to discover our divine self or remember who we are. We are part of a spiritual being or a collective of souls that make up a spiritual being as such we are united as one. That collective of spiritual being not only includes souls it is a part of all that exists. We for the most part find that divine self through meditative observation learning that we are not our thoughts we are that which recognizes those thoughts.
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Okay I will agree we are not our thoughts. We do however create with our thoughts. I personally think that quite often the Ancient wisdom shared is not quite understood. Perhaps I am mistaken yet I myself experienced a time recently when I was asked a question as far as being a neutral observer. What is the point of being just an observer? To sit on the sidelines in the game of life, what would be the point of being here just to observe? If we just observe and let our thoughts flow and go with no judgment or emotion what are we creating?
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The tree doesn’t need to think or judge it just grows. Be like the tree?
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The river doesn’t need to think or feel it just flows. Be like the river?
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The bird doesn’t need to think it just flies? Hmm
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The bird thinks and learns to fly by observing its parents flying, the Lion learns to live and hunt by observing its parents living and hunting, we as humans learn many things by observing our parents and our societies. Human are blessed with the gift of being able to think and observe our thoughts from a higher perspective. In observing from a higher perspective we have the gift of choosing and creating from a higher perspective.
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Although I do agree that we must become observers of our thoughts to discover our inner truth and higher self I do not agree with the perspective that we are here to merely observe. I agree that we should go with the flow as does the river flow and the tree grow.. That flow is embracing the positive thoughts as they come and going around the negative ones as the river goes around the rock. Eventually the positive thoughts break down the negative thoughts like the river wears down the rock.
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We are here to engage and interact, to create beautiful things for the greater good of all that exists. How do we do that? We find our higher self, our soul that communes and shares with the spiritual being that we and all that exists are a part or product of. Then we observe our thoughts and choose to embrace those that create the most beneficial and beautiful creations for our greater good. That includes what is the greater good for our individual human experiences. If you create more wealth for example for yourself you are creating more wealth you can share with others. Even if you didn’t stand on the corner giving it away you are sharing with others on many levels. Your happiness, your good fortune and your success is an inspiration to others. The other aspect and benefit to finding yourself first is that when you do become aware of your thoughts and choose responsibly what you create.
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What do you do when you find your higher self through observation.. You create from that higher self with your thoughts, your emotions, and your actions the most beautiful life and things you could ever imagine. Create with love and compassion by listening to your higher self and passionately taking part in the adventure and game of life. Live with love after you learn to observe with love
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Life is in my opinion the Super Bowl, The World Series, The Grand Prix the ultimate game and in it we are all Champions if we choose to get off the sidelines and play!
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Thank you for being you and allowing me to express my opinion and thoughts. I am grateful and appreciate you and your presence here and in our world where ever you are. Thank you as well for being the positive change our world so needs as you share your love and your smiles making our world a better place for all we share it with! 
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Namaste

Special request… The next page :) from my new book


Things started burning and the flames began to rise on of all days Thanksgiving, I was setting the table for dessert when the fire alarm went off its blaring screech started the eye opening process although I didn’t quite know it yet. I asked my daughter who was 13 at the time to bring the sugar bowl and creamer to the dining room table. It was not wrong for me to ask for her help, I rarely asked her to do anything hell I was rarely even home so I guess when she told me to wait as she was busy I snapped. I yelled so loud they heard my in town some three miles away. My guests were quite shocked as my voice echoed and the walls shook, not only at my reaction, also in reaction to my daughter’s rude response. All that were present were raised to do as they were told when they were asked by their parents. I would have gotten an immediate smack and a beating later if I ever told my parents to wait. My step daughter was the first to speak she was also the reason my daughter was busy (they were talking) she turned and said “You are an abusive as!@#%*e and need to go get help.” The family was divided at that point between my rights and choice of yelling and the rights of my daughter to be disrespectful. In my mind I was however asking if I was abusive.

The next day as I drove to work I decided to get help for my children, obviously they were not being raised properly. Since I was always working it was my former wife in my mind that was to blame. What could I do? I had no clue so I decided to ask for the help of a professional. I called several social workers from the yellow pages, not one of them answered yet they all had answering machines asking for a brief message regarding the issue and the promise of a return call. It took two days before Nancy returned my call; she was a Clinical Social Worker that specialized in children and family therapy.

In truth the greatest most beautiful renovation and valuable renovation I have ever undertaken began the moment I chose to make that phone call. My meetings with Nancy that were intended to help my kids actually lead me on a path of discovery to help me let me become a kid and eventually help my kids. Nancy actually never had a therapy session with my kids, they spent time with another therapist that however is another story. My meeting with Nancy was to be the biggest eye opening experience of my life so far. In fact that is where the story I wish to share begins…

In any major renovation the foundation is the most important part of the project. The foundation I would say is the most important part of any project. If the foundation is weak or in need of repair it is best to get that assessment done first. My time with Nancy taught me how to see my foundation, from the first meeting the cracks in my foundation showed and the wiring of my structure were exposed, for the first time so I could see them. The first hour with Nancy I shared with her my perceived issues with my children in regards to their disrespectful behavior and their seeming lack of care or concern for the material things they had in addition to their neglect of doing the few chores they were responsible for doing.

When Nancy said that I was the issue not my children I lost my composure even started to walk out dismissing her like my parents did when I was 13. My step dad’s words echoed in my head as I heard the bone jarring truth and felt the sting of the slap across my face that the words carried with them. “You are a quack all you psychologists are quacks this is all Bullsh!@$ I am not the one who is out of line my kid is. I am leaving and you are all idiots” I remember him saying after the social worker told him he was responsible for the way I behaved. I had taken the family car for a joy ride; I had done so a few times until one night a neighbor saw the car rolling down the driveway in the middle of the night and called my parents to say they had forgotten to set the parking brake. When I got home I didn’t want to take the beating I had coming so I called the police and asked them to take me to jail. They didn’t take me to jail however they did order an evaluation by a psychologist and family services. That experience left a bad impression tainting my young mind; it took many years before I would appreciate the fact that my step dad was in a sense “an idiot”.

“What the hell do you mean I am responsible for how they are acting” I asked? Nancy responded with a question that really set me on fire “do you read?” she asked.

“What the hell does that mean now you are insinuating that I am stupid? Of course I can read, just because I am a carpenter doesn’t mean I am illiterate.”I yelled! The walls reverberated with the aftershocks of my scream, she was visibly shaken as she responded carefully choosing her words. “I was asking if you were a regular reader in your free time, I was not trying to insult you. I was going to ask you to read a book and let me know if you wanted to continue seeing me. I will see your children after we have a few sessions and I get to understand their needs a little better if you want.”

What the heck.. I need a complete renovation!

I left Nancy’s office and went straight to Barnes and Noble to get the book she had recommended it was a book about parenting. I must say it made sense to read a book about parenting to help my kids. I had no idea where it would take me however as far as changing my life and perspective. At the same time I was working on getting my former wife Janet to see a marriage counselor with me. Janet agreed to do so as I had taken the steps to get help for my children and as she saw it” Nancy had put the blame on me for the kids” and she knew I was the problem in our marriage as well. She thought it would be awesome to see a therapist shred me in person.

Between my first appointment with Nancy and my second one I had arranged for a marriage counseling session with Carla. Carla I must say had indeed shredded me in our first session; I walked out feeling truly battered and in all honesty a little bit ashamed. She seemed to know every button to push in order to see my darker reactions. I took a bit of consolation in the fact that she was willing to help us work on our marriage. Taking a page from Nancy I had looked at the books on Carla’s shelf seeing a few of the titles I chose to make a trip to Barnes and Noble on the way home and pick a couple of them up. After all the book Nancy had recommended was a true eye opener and was already pointing the way to why I was responsible for my kids behavior. The books the marriage counselor’s shelves would be just as eye opening I had no doubt.

Parenting!!!! Was the root of my problem, not just the way I was parenting my kids, the way I was parented and my parents were parented was a major issue. I want to share something and make something perfectly clear at this point in my story.

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” I am responsible for” who” I am, how I behave, as well as what I do and say!”

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My parents did the best they knew how as they raised me, the key is what they knew. As it was with my parenting I had thought I knew what I was doing and never bothered to learn to be a good parent. I did as many people do decided that some of the things my parents did sucked and that I was going to do things different. I did do many things different yet I didn’t learn how to do things the best way for my kids. Just did things different, the things they did like grounding me for weeks at a time, hitting or even beating me, bed without dinner… Those things I would not do ever yet I did not do what would have been best for them and learn how to be a good parent.